~liebe-sie

Let me tell you how it works:

You spend hours, days, perhaps eternities lieing awake watching the glow in the dark stars, or else the minutes tick away on that digital clock that doesn't tick.
And it's too quiet, so you turn on the music. You turn it up. You turn it down. Off. On. Off.
Turn the tv on. Turn up the volume. Roll over, close your eyes. The light from the tv gets to you. Turn off the tv. Roll over again. You can't close your eyes anymore.

Turn on a light. Your picture frame is crooked. Get up and fix it. Lie back down. There is a stray sock on the floor. Get up, and put it in the hamper.

Go to the bathroom. Look in the mirror. Your eyes are too close together. Nose, too small. Mouth, too small. Forehead, too big. Focus your eyes. Squint. Scrutinize. Smile. Teeth not white enough. Brush them for the third time since dinner. Go back to your room.

Lie on top of your covers, facing up, your feet on the headboard. Close your eyes. Fall asleep. Wake up 20 minutes later, and almost fall of the bed.

Get up, get on the computer. Play solitaire. Check your e-mail. Sign off. Shut down. Go back to bed.

Get up to make sure you turned off the computer. You did. Go lay down. Repeat five minutes later.

Cry. Cry, cry, cry.

You can't breathe out your nose.

Wake up, sweating like a pig. You were asleep for.... 30 minutes. Roll over so your face is smashed into the pillows. Fall asleep 40 minutes later.

Wake up, scared. Look around. Turn on the lights, noone is there. Turn them off. Turn them on again to be sure. It's 3:53 AM.

Think about numbers. Add them. Subtract them. Multiply, Divide. Square root.

Wake up. 6:07 AM. the light is still on. Turn them off.

Wake up. 8:05 AM. Yelling in the other room. Bury your head between your two pillows, after retrieving them from the floor.

Wake up. 8:29 AM.

Wake up. 8:42 AM.

Wake up. 9:06 AM.

Wake up. 9:34 AM

Wake up. 9:54 AM.

Give up.

Spend 12 to 14 hours wishing you were sleeping.

Repeat.

I don't know what to do anymore.
Except just keep living, and maybe this will all go away.

It seems that I have lost my inspiration.
Perhaps this would be a good time for a vacation.
Although if I take one now, I will miss school, and I will be required to take finals.
Life is inconvenient, at it's best.
I've learned.
Inspire me, please.

I want to change someone's life. Make a difference in society. For the better.
How do I begin?
If only I felt better about myself, maybe I could figure it out.

In other news... the cloud for the "gloomy" mood is cute.

Well, this is my first journal. 0_o
I must say, I'm still kindof having trouble with my transition to a new school back in November, as I'm kindof shy.
But I'm making more friends, becoming more comfortable, slowly but surely.
I'm really excited to join deviantart and share my work, although it's not all that good, i'm trying to improve it.
I hope some of you guys will appreciate it, I can't get much feedback from anyone else, it's kindof sad. =/
I found a survey. I'll take it...

A (brilliant, may I add) survey

Do you like to watch Comedy Central?: mhm
How often do you visit your grandmother?: not often enough, really =/
How many people on you myspace friends list care if you're alive or dead?: not many
Would you rather write in pen or pencil?: pencil, i get smudges on my hand, and pen is hard to get off.
Do you like highliters?: yeash
Can you understand Spanish?: nope
Do you know how to clean a ball mouse?: you take the ball out and clean it =]
Are you considered a nerd?: kindof?
Do you know how to bowl[well]?: no
Do you know anybody with a really weird name?: yeah. at least i think so...
Would you ever name your child after yourself?: no. i dont like my name...
Can you do the splits?: lmao. of course not.
Do you like baseball?: sure?
Would I have to pay you to ride a rollercoaster?: no, roller coasters are great! ferris wheels are scary though.
Do you like dogs?: yess =] they're great.
Are you allergic to anything[please state]?: pine trees.
Have you ever tasted a Habanero pepper?: yeah. blech
Have you ever used crayon on a marker board?: maybe?
Do you enjoy babysitting?: yeah its tiring though...
What is your favorite card game?: umm... i dunno.
Do you own an atlas?: maybe...? i should get one...
Do you even know what an atlas is?: book of maps
Do you blast your music until the neighbors get angry?: neighbors dont live that close...
Do you watch the Sci-Fi network?: sometimes. its confusing though
Are you still into cartoons?: yess cartoons are awesome.
Do you own a Wii?: nope, but i wouldnt mind one
Have you ever caught a fly in your hand?: i cant remember if it was me or someone else... oh well.
Name one person you would die for no matter what -: Kaleb Davis.
Name one person on the same property as you -: Huh?
Name your youngest male relative -: Umm... I think Sebastian.
What is your favorite foreign food?: Chinese definitely
Would you ever dye your hair bubblegum pink?: maybe
Do you use oven mits, or are you a MAN?: oven mits. ouch!
Have you ever been dared to eat anything really gross?: yeah, it was really gross.
Have you ever beaten up anyone?: no. i dont think i can either. well maybe another girl... if they're small and weak...
Do you know how to set up a VCR?: nope
Are you a survey junkie?: uhh, they kill boredom
Do you own an MP3 Player?: mhm
Do you realize this is question 39?: i do now.
Aren't you bored yet?: yes, actually
What would you say if I said this survey was over?: mk.
Well it is, WHAT NOW BIZNATCH?: fuck off, skank.

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